Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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