my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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