We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
