you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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