he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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