Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
