I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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