Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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