So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize