Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
