I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
