He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
