bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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