Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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