just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
