Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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