she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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