whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize