She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
