By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
