you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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