dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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