I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
