Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
