In the future we'll all be gay
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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