so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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