please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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