I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
