He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
