I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize