Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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