i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
