God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
