Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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