I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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