onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
