you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
