After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As shirtless as possible
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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