I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
