Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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