genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
