I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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