so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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