Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
