Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Text me some of your sweat
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
