she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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