Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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