i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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