i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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