Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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