tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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