Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize