i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
