we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
