If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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