Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
