just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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