you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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