the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
