oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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