it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
