OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
