i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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