Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think my mom watched the whole time
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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