Im at strip club and am horny
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
