Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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