So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm like, not good at living.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
