I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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