I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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