But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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