uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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