She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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