i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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