hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
