They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
