I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
